Useful and less useful knowledge when travelling by car in Albania... or: Why does the goat ride on a robot hoover?

Christmas has passed, the family has left and apart from minor projects that we tinker with from time to time, not much is happening at the moment ecxept of us waiting for spring. So now it's time for a slightly different blog.

The picture above is the logo of one of the many petrol station companies in Albania - it feels like there are at least three times as many as in Germany! But Albania is also a country where people like to drive a lot despite the high petrol prices.

I prefer to fill up at Kastrati. On the one hand, because there's a small branch nearby and we prefer to use our neighbouring shops for shopping and errands, and on the other hand, because I like the logo so much.

‘What is it supposed to represent?’ asked Joris, Andrea's ex-husband, on one of the Christmas days.

‘I don't know, but it looks to me like a goat riding a robot hoover,’ I replied.

My inner image is admittedly inspired by the stories of Grazian, one of my sister's assistant, with whom my cat Gretchen found a new home - and learned amazing things! She has always been terribly afraid of my hoover - today she and his robot hoover are best friends. She accompanies it, makes sure it cleans properly and sometimes even rides along with it! So if my cat can drive a hoover, why not a goat?

On the occasion of my last visit to Kruja, however, the puzzle was solved quite differently...

The man you see in the picture is Georg Kastrioti, known as Skanderbeg (Skenderbeu in Albanian), a duke and military commander whose father - like many other Albanian nobles of those times - repeatedly changed alliances with the Ottoman rulers, the Catholic Venetians and the Orthodox Serbs, and changed his religion as often as others changed their shirts. But all in all, in terms of conquests, he was always more on the losing side.

His son George, however, was much more intelligent and successful. Initially a vassal of the Ottomans, who exploited the Albanian people to a great extent, he joined the side of the rebellious farmers and landowners.

Under his lead, the Albanians went on to win many extraordinary victories, inflicting heavy losses on the Ottoman forces and ultimately expelling them from the country. The fortress of Kruja was the centre of his victorious campaign and is now the site of a museum and a larger-than-life statue, while souvenir shops sell numerous fan articles.

But he was also deeply involved in the ever-changing balance of power in Italy and so he was known throughout Europe during his lifetime, held in high esteem by the Pope of the time as a defender of Christianity and a character in a multitude of dramas and books. Even Vivaldi wrote an opera with him as the eponymous hero.

But back to the goat problem...

What's on his head? That's right, a goat – and of course, beneath it, not a robot hoover, but a helmet. So the petrol station sign is a graphically very successful reminiscence to this freedom fighter and Kastrati, probably the modern version of the noble house of Kastrioti.

Next question...

‘What are the roads like in Albania?’ is often asked by friends and acquaintances, and it is not easily to answer, especially the longer I have been here.

Generally not too bad – except for the roads that you can only drive on with a four-wheel drive and a high underbody. But these are anyway not used for fast transport from city to city. But it depends on the season and the weather conditions. As it gets cooler and it rains more often, potholes up to 30 centimetres deep suddenly appear quickly and unexpectedly in the asphalt. But people know how to deal with them! No, not with the quick road repair crew that patches up the holes. That often takes months! But as someone who knows the area well, I now know every old pothole here and the new ones are at least noticeably marked for a few days until everyone who lives and drives here knows where they are...

Cyclists are also an institution here. Most of them are veeeeery old men on equally old bicycles and only on flat roads.

Here it doesn't matter whether you ride on the left or right side of the road or even in the middle, with or against traffic..., comfortably next to each other... and sometimes also as a ghost driver on the motorway...

They usually ride to or from the shops – which explains the many bulging plastic bags dangling dangerously from the handlebars – or to or from the gaming club in one of the public squares, which are lined with old bicycles. Dozens of old men gathered around small improvised tables for games of dice, backgammon or chess.

But whether with or without a load, and whether lurching, in violation of traffic regulations or correctly and neatly straight ahead...

It should be noted that every bicycle ALWAYS has the right of way, moves as its driver wants and you should be prepared for anything – so please only manoeuvre past the swaying vehicle at an extremely slow speed and with great caution.

In our country, we would honk our horns angrily and make a rude gesture at the dotty driver – but not here!

But that doesn't mean that people don't honk their horns here. On the contrary! Loud, often, a lot and usually completely in vain. Mainly in more or less unexpected traffic jams. Here are my three favourites:

Variant 1: Someone wants to turn right or left. However, as the turning lane is jammed endlessly in front of the traffic lights, you simply stay in the straight ahead lane and then stop in front of the green traffic lights to wait for your turning light to turn green. Needless to say, the indignant honking in the queue is stubbornly ignored until the desired traffic light turns green.

Variant 2: Two drivers travelling in the opposite direction meet and decide to stop briefly and have a chat with their windows open. These chats are important and part of a general courtesy ritual: How are you? Fine, thank you, and yourself? Good too, and how is your wife, your children? Everything's fine, and how about your family? Fine, actually, but my mum isn't doing so well today. How are your parents? ....

It can take a long time to check with all the relatives and send your best wishes. Here, too, the honking is omnipresent but actually pointless...

Variant 3: Traffic jam on the motorway. A smart SUV speeds towards the end of it from behind, flashing its lights and protesting loudly with his horn. Sure, he's in a hurry. We would probably all like to be faster. But something makes him believe that his acoustic and visual signals - similar to those of Moses at the Red Sea - are miraculously causing these masses of cars to give way to him. In other words, it is also relatively senseless.

Nevertheless, my perception is that only few accidents happen - and if they do, it's usually just a bit of metal - although Albanian drivers can be divided into three categories: ‘I drive like a wild maniac’ (20%), ‘Help, I can't really drive, but I have to go to X, Y, Z! Please watch out!’ (30%) and then there are those who drive as you would actually expect.

So the encouraging summary is that everything is fine and easy here when you're travelling by car - but please always be as attentive and focused as possible. The unexpected is omnipresent here, especially for those who are not familiar with the area! Google Maps and other navigation apps have often manoeuvred me into complete dead ends and, when in doubt, it's better to take the long traffic jam on the main road than the shortcut that ends in front of a two-metre deep trench.

Finally, a nice example of ‘Surprise, surprise!’ and an important tip for anyone who is going visits us by car:

You have to exit here if you want to get to us. But In contrast to German motorways, not every next exit is announced here. And yes, you really don't have more than 50 metres before you have to turn off at a 90° angle at the end onto the country road to Spille...

Mr. Scheuer would be turning in his grave... ;)

But about 1 km before the exit, you pass a goat on a robot hoover, so from here on, ease off the accelerator...